An Ode to Self Love and phone sex -- part 1

I was reminiscing about the late 80's early 90's about 3 days ago. I thought I'd keep my youth close by downloading some tunes. Today I came upon that wonderful DiVinyls song "I Touch Myself". That song says it all. It's an unabashed love song about thinking about someone and getting all hot and bothered. Glorifying masturbation at it's best. I remember in catholic school the nuns would say masturbation is a sin. Can it really be bad if it's so good? wouldn't the nuns, in all their hollier than thou approach to preserving the virginity for the marital bed, be happy that instead of boffing the boy next door's brains out, I'd boff my own brains out? at least I kept my virginity. Haha. NO one really listened to the nuns. Years later, research showed that masturbation (in moderation) is actually very healthy. Hallelujah!! score one for the nerds, nada for the nuns :)

I'm a fairly healthy individual, I indulge in a little sexual excess every now and then but there are days that I just would like to forgo human contact, but not totally. So with the thought of spending the night alone but in a masturbatory state of mind, I decided to troll a certain site that advertises everything. A few lines and a major suggestion and BAM!!! I got more emails than a B movie celebrity and a schedules phone sex to end all phone sex. I have someone lined up for tonight. Our first few emails could make your toes curl, suffice it to say hot enough to make me wish I had a time machine so I could jump 3 hours into the future for our scheduled telephone romp.